Learning to die to self
When I was just out of college we had an amazing priest at our parish, Father Dean Braun. Sadly for us he went home to the Father 22 years ago but he was a dear friend and huge influence in our lives. Tony was particularly close to him, they were fast friends. We were so blessed to have him officiate our marriage and help us through some very difficult times in our early marriage. He passed away shortly after our 3rd child was born. I remember attending his funeral Mass with a three week old baby in my arms and the rousing rendition of the Battle Hymn of the Republic played for the recessional hymn. That hymn fit his life so well!
He was so joyful, always smiling - that alone really stood out to me.
There are two things he taught us that always stuck with me me and have been so helpful on my faith journey. One was these words spoken over us at during our wedding ceremony “Be one in prayer and one in forgiveness.” Best marriage advice ever!
Secondly he often spoke of “dying to self”. When I was 23 years old this was a new concept to me and I found it fascinating. This is what Christ did in the biggest way possible. I want to be like Christ, so I want to learn to die to self.
What does this look like in my life? Well it has manifested in many ways. Back then it was being present in a job I didn’t particularly like because it was a way I could die to self, a way God could use me to serve others. If you are a parent you know so many more ways that “dying to self” becomes an everyday practice. Whether you are getting up with an infant, soothing physical and emotional bumps, or working hard to pay tuition, these are all acts of dying to self.
Reflecting on beginning our lenten journey has brought to mind another way we need to die to self - rejecting our ego.
As I have grown older I have come to know “dying to self” on a different level. That dying to self is laying down the ego. Yep, you know that part of you that says you are always right, you are in control, you have to work hard and fix everything. The ego that shapes how you see yourself as opposed to how God sees you.
The ego is really trying to help you and keep you safe, but at some point we have to tell the ego to just stop! Personally I sometimes tell my ego “I know you are trying to keep me safe but I am safe and God is taking care of me so you can relax and get out of the way”. If we can let our ego die we can rise to our full potential as our true self, the true soul that God created. But letting our ego die can be very painful.
When someone wrongs you or is spreading misinformation about you, our instinct (our ego) is to defend ourselves. We want people to understand us and we try to fix the situation. Maybe it would be better if we let it go - dye to self - and move on in peace. The ego can keep us stuck in patterns and beliefs such as “I have to work hard every day”, or “I’m not good enough unless I accomplish _____”. These are not truths and we would be better off to let them go.
Dying to self can be external sacrifices, but it can also be important work we have to do internally to truly let go and let God! Fear is egoic, trust is not; dependence on ourself is egoic, dependence on God is not. God create the ego as part of our psyche and it is not a bad part of us, but it does offer us an even deeper way to grow in Christ.
Laying down our egos will help us develop into our highest spiritual selves. Just imagine the blessings that will bring! Laying down the ego will bring more peace, more joy, more fullness of life as we walk through the human part of our journey. Lent is the perfect time to practice “dying to self”. Memento mori.
Have a very blessed Lenten season.
With love,
Carol